I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
