what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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