it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
