Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
