I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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