nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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