Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
