First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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