Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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