I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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