No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Less talking, more tequila
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
