all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
