i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
