New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
