Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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