My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
