god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
