It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize