90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
