haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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