Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
