Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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