i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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