You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
