I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
