my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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