is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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