She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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