I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
