his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
