I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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