Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we're making bets on your personal life
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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