he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
