she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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