dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
