I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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