i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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