It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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