Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
4 words: hood of his car
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize