I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
