Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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