There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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