I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The air was thick with penises
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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