If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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