So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
