I think my fart just growled at me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
