Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
