Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
