she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just puked most of my soul out..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
