I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
