Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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