if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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