It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You need a sexual gate keeper
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
