You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
