You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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