Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
