Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
