i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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